I have seen the scenario countless times in sitcoms and movies. Opposite Sex Person A (OSPA) meets Opposite Sex Person B (OSPB). They get along great. Share laughs. Hang out. Get to know each other, then .... BLAMMO! OSPA begins to develop a bit of a "love" interest towards OSPB. Then at some point OSPB refers to OSPA as "friend", "pal", compadre to someone else. OR better yet OSPA asks OSPB their opinion about someone they have recently met.
This signifies, clarifies and solidifies the relationship dynamic to be nothing more than "Just Friends".
Story of my life. Yes. I'm a likeable person. Easy to get along with. Loyal friend. Sure, but, WTF??? I mean, seriously. It gets real old very quick and quite frankly I'm not sure what to do about it.
Stop being so nice?
In today's society, you just don't know who people are. What agenda to they have? What are they NOT telling? It's these questions I have in my head when on a date, which is why I HATE DATING.
Why do I hate dating, you ask? Well, I will tell you. It's a political campaign. Shaking hands & kissing the proverbial baby for Pete's sake. The pressure of an official "date" is a crazy, nerve racking, song & dance to put all of your best qualities upfront to entice the other. Then MAYBE after a few months of dating their "representative", the REAL candidate shows up and they show their true colors.
SCREW that! I would rather get to know a woman as a friend. Be relaxed. Hang out with them with no pressure because their is none. In doing so, you aren't trying to impress ... for the most part. Thus you get to know the true person. BUT .... BUT, as in my case, a friendship develops and I begin to like the person I'm getting to know. Then BLAMMO ... we have arrived at, and will never go beyond "Just Friends" because some line has been crossed in the male/female-dom that says, "Sorry! Only Limited Exposure Allowed To Ride This Ride".
Am I screwed up in the head? Am I way off base?
Where do I go wrong? Maybe it's better this way so I don't get stuck in some relationship, as in times past, that they wake up and say, "Hey MD, I don't like you." and vamoose like a thief in the night.
Friends first? Doesn't work.
Dating first? Doesn't work.
WTF??? How does this crap work?
~ The Mis-Adventures of a Dating Daddy
i think the deal with dating a friend is that ur past the walls...when dating we do have the representitive side mostly and u do the song and dance but thats also part of the fun allot of people like the chase ...however when u are friends first u dont start off with that u get past the walls into the real stuff and u get close ..so then what how do u date from there ..there cant be a chase and thats what people are used to when they date someone they cant put on the front ..you are past that now ..so they choose not too ...also i do understand the fear of losing the close friend u have ..cuz its true once u cross into dating there really isnt a truely copacetic way to return to friendship .... I am gonna try somthing new and it could work ..and it could not work .. im gonna just do stuff with my best friend (female) and enjoy it and let the closeness bring us together cuz in the end... i dont care about the title i just wanna share my life with her one way or another ...i think some couples get lucky dude they marry their sweety then ..they become best friends by happen chance the odds are against us bro
ReplyDeleteHahahah! I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because I know exactly how you feel! Dating sucks. Falling for a friend, and their inevitable NOT falling for you sucks. But eventually someone will, and then let's see how you feel? Because if you don't feel the same way about her, that sucks! Then you will meet someone who loves you just as much as you them and even that can suck. Once you accept the general suckiness then maybe it will not suck so badly.
ReplyDeleteMichael I don't understand why things aren't working out for you. You are a great guy. You are someone you can laugh with and someone who you can have a serious conversation with. You would give the shirt off your back and you are a great family man. Any girl would be lucky to have you in their life.
ReplyDeleteFrom what one of my recently divorced friends says ..it is hard to date these days.I am so glad I found the klove of my life 22 years ago because I don't know how I would make it in the dating world these days.
I do have a question and I hope you don't take this the wrong way and I don't know how to say it, so here it goes. Do you think that you are wanting that special someone in your life to complete you so bad that when you do hang out with an attractive girl or a good friend that feelings develop because of lonliness. I mean, do you fall too quickly?
I am sure it sucks to be the "friend" the girls like to hang out with , but not be the man they choose to fall for and get to know at a new level.
I don't have the answer for you, but I do know that one day when that right girl comes along you will know it. She may not be the model type,body builder, young with a great body type of girl, but she will be PERFECT in your eyes.In your type of business you see a lot of attractive women and I am sure it is easy to fall for many of them. How about stepping out of that world and try looking in a different direction. I know I may have no clue how it really is out there now since I have been married for twenty years and out of the dating world for 22, but I don't believe in giving up on finding true love. When you do find it hold on to it and no matter what life brings you...the good and the bad sahre it with your partner. Never give up on the person you love even when things get hard.I promise you that finding the "one" love is an amazing feeling and I believe you too will find that best friend to share your life with. Hang in there cuz!
Any young single person in "looking" OR "receptive" to the right person who comes along either actively or passively.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I meet a lot of women in both of my careers. Many, tho "beautiful" on the outside have no substance. However, I make friends easily, and I have to maintain a solid, genuine repore to maintain a good reputation and open communication. It just so happens that the majority of those people are female.
Now, do I analyze every single woman I meet as a potential dating partner? No. It begins as an acquaintance. As I get to know them, things will either impress me or not. The more qualities are impressive, the more my eye is drawn to learn more about them that is beyond the surface professional relationship.
But, I am not actively searching for a partner. I'm not lonely, at all. But as a single man, my options are open.
I hear ya MD. I wish I had th answer for you. Like I have said before you are a great person so any woman would be lucky to have you, friend or as a husband or boyfriend. Don't beat yourself up...the right one hasn't come around yet.
ReplyDeletelol tammie i love your optimism! however ..and im not saying i know how it is to be md (trust me i wish lol) because i have never been divorced but i have loved and been crushed ..thats kinda hard to bounce back from ..because while yes u want someone to share life with and stuff ..... u dont want to put your self out there very easy ..i ve been single now longer than i have ever befor i used to allllways have a gf but after my last fiasco i can honestly say i am completely content alone ..i miss it sometimes ..having a girl to love on but im ok and open minded so if someone does come along that sparks my interest ill check it out but i have pretty high standards now and i wont settle below them and these days ..our society kinda sucks so yea dating now sucks its hard to find decent guys or girls .. md has been through some crap with some girls so we are sorta on the same page i wish i could be as optimistic as u ..but where should we look? we work..i dont work with women ..he does on both career s but its not smart to mix business with pleasure..girls at bars or social establishments usually have agenda s so they are a no go ..where else ?
ReplyDeleteWell, my dear friend, as I sit here reading this, I can't help but be transported back to a time and place when a certain person (me), was on the receiving end of another certain person's (you) "We should just be friends" speech....lol You're absolutely right - it sucks. But here's the thing..... all of those old cliche words of wisdom are still around for a reason....they're usually true. "Everything happens for a reason..." "As soon as you stop looking, the right one will fall into your lap..." "It's not you, it's me..." Oh wait - forget the last one....haha
ReplyDeleteI've been exactly where you are. When you are a single parent, the times when you are alone seem that much more enormous once you have kids. The house is WAY too quiet without the laughter of children (or wrestling grunts if you have boys like me). The best advice I can ever give is to just live your life for you. And only you. Until you are truly happy and content with who you are and where you are at in your life, and have no problem just being 'alone with yourself', you're really no good to anyone else anyway. And then, as if by magic, God always seems to know just when you reach that point and sends someone your way when you least expect it in the last place you would have thought to look for it.
Your priority is to be the best Daddy that you can be for those kids, and I know you are. Part of that is keeping yourself happy and really learning to be comfortable with where you're at in your life. A happy daddy makes for happy kids. The hardest lesson I had to learn as a single mom with three boys that I was constantly worried about was to take care of myself so that I could take care of them.
You are a wonderful person with a gracious, loving heart. Just live your life. Control what you can. Let God handle the rest. He's much better at it than you. haha. I've known you long enough to know that you ain't gonna let it keep you down! :-)